Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
