You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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