Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
