Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
