I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
