i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
