butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
