Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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