My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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