I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
