im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
