I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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