If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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