She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the day after is always just damage control
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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