so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
