Just cropdusted the office
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
