I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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