my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The air was thick with penises
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize