Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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