how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
