if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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