I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
