What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
