I want to make a zoo with you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
