dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
