Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
