We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize