talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
