that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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