I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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