Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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