capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
