just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
