i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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