Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
