I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
