What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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