Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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