Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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