Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
