i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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