i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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