I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize