i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
