um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i out mim tonsoeep
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