put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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