and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
