he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
