I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize