whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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