So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize