Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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