He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
