I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
