He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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