I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
