My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
