woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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