My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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