When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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