Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
