how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
