After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
