I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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