fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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