i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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