its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bring me that man meat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize