I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
