Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
