OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
