I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
