I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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