just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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