I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
