38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
