Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
