I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
