Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
