This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
