just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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