i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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