Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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