take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
