watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
