you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
