That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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