i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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