So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
