My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
