"it" just moved
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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