so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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