I want to make a zoo with you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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