Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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