I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
