Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
