take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
