Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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