mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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