Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
