Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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