Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
