; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
