Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
