also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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