so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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