Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
