so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
