i love accidental penises.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
