Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
50% drunk capacity currently
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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