people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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