Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
