Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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