i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
