Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My vagina just clenched in fear
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
