well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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