Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
