i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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