I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
