He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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